Dance Moms is all that gets me through the week these days. What could be better than 40-something moms who act like teenagers and dance? This week includes the always-interesting addition of bribery.
The episode starts out with Abby unceremoniously kicking last week’s flash-in-the-pan dancer Peyton off of the squad. It’s harsh—the girl thinks that’s she’s going to get the top spot on the pyramid only to find out that’s she’s kicked off the squad entirely. Abby reminds us that everyone is replaceable. Peyton starts crying, and that’s when we remember that this show features real kids, and feel cruel for thinking of it as campy fun. As least I do.
When Abby takes Kendall off of probation, however, all of the claws come out. Kendall’s mom, Jill, starts demanding special parts and solos for her daughters, and she assures the other mothers that she’ll do anything to get it. She proves her word is true when she buys personal massages for Abby and her choreographer. The other mothers are livid when they find, and they accuse Jill of trying to buy Kendall’s primo parts. Jill doesn’t deny it, and instead calls Holly an “absentee mother” for working as a school principal. Some of these mothers would prefer it was 1950.
At the competition in Long Island, Mackenzie and Brook are given solos. Mackenzie’s solo is so good that Abby begins to cry—an amazing accomplishment—making all of the mothers and daughters salivate at the thought of getting a kind word from Abby. She does have some sort of crazy power. Mackenzie wins her age division at the competition.
Abby choreographs a weird, space-agey number for Brooke, which seems to mostly consist of Brooke putting her legs above her head. Brooke takes third, but Abby congratulates her anyway. Abby doesn’t seem to remember how mean she was to Brooke when she wanted to try out for cheerleading the week before—now she’s “born to dance.”
The group number is supposed to be Abby’s interpretation of cheerleading’s downfall—subtle—and features the girls dancing sassily and then choking themselves a minute later. This time, their second place finish doesn’t seem to signal that the girls aren’t good enough, but that the judges are confused by the choreographer. I was.
Abby’s mad that the troupe has gotten second place two weeks in a row, but is madder that Jill has been groveling for more parts for her daughter. The other mothers are ready to rip Jill’s head off.