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Five tips for ruining your daughter's sleepover

Sometimes going the extra mile is necessary...

Ahhh...sleepovers. Those goofy, girly get-togethers that every young lady looks forward to and enjoys. They invite all of their closest friends, don some cupcake jammies and laugh the night the expense of your precious few hours of sleep and grocery budget.


Unless, of course, you work your mojo and sabotage the evening. It's a surefire way to keep your house from being the site of another sleepover, and your daughter will definitely be the most pitied girl in junior high.


If you want to completely wreck your little lady's sleepover and ensure no future overnight giggle gaggles in your home, read on.

Dress for success. Being outdated is as humiliating for you as it is for your daughter. Instead, be hip and trendy with whatever it is your daughter is wearing these days. In the daytime, wear something cute and sparkly, complete with “Mrs. Bieber” tee. At night, feel free to go a little more retro. Sleepwear plays by different rules. Two words: footie pajamas.


Serve up snacks. If your daughter requests chips and pizza, ignore her. She's a kid and doesn't know what's best for her anyway. If you want to go simple, think tofu bar. With a little work, you can mold tofu into just about anything. Or, if you're looking for a touch of class: escargot, calamari, caviar and cuisses de grenouille. Mark each platter accordingly: snails, squid, fish eggs and frog legs. It's an expensive move, but one that is guaranteed results.


Join in the fun. Go ahead, get in there, mama. Be sure to both participate in all their activities and suggest your own. If they're sharing music—bust out some Barry Manilow. If they're giggling about cute boys—giggle about your “cute” husband (sincerity need not apply). If they're watching scary movies—be the loudest shrieker in the room. If they seem bored, whip out some crochet books or teach them how to balance a checkbook. They'll thank you later. Or something.


Invite some friends, too. The more the merrier, right? What's a shindig without the freshly divorced lady from work, the hypochondriac from church and that friend of yours that's always showing you pictures of her cousin's adorable pet schnoodle? Wild times.


Rise and shine. If there is any fight left in them, a 6 a.m. wake up call should seal the deal. Not only will a pot-banging welcome to the morning start the day out with groans, but following it with some Zumba wherever they're sacked out will have them ready to head out by 7 a.m. Nobody wants to watch a mom shake her groove thing to “Sexy and I Know It.” Kids. So judgmental.


If you follow my tips, you're sure to make a lasting impression that will keep your home sleepover-free for years to come. Just think of all the money and beauty sleep you'll save in exchange for one good night of over-the-top humiliation. Sometimes motherhood requires a little sacrifice, right?